Isn’t It Funny? Falling and You!

Isn’t it funny? How you always whined up hearing about friends, family, and idiots in general breaking bones, tearing ligaments, and generally eating shit on the stupidest of things? You’ll hear something like, “Your cousin Susie,” or “Guadalupe” if you’re Hispanic, (Don’t worry, it’s cool. I’m Puerto Rican. I can be stereo typical…or at least that’s what the assholes I skate with tell me.) “…She just broke her back in 10 different places walking down 3 stairs. Ay dios mio!” And you’re all like, “What the fuck? I just jumped 20 stairs, and all I got were these scratches on my palms.” Side note: That quote might be pretty awesome on a tee.

Now, this isn’t a rant about the epic falls we all unfortunately go through. This is a manifesto on the stumbles and hits while missing a trick or landing awkwardly we all go through on a regular basis. It’s really quite shocking how beneficial falling on a regular basis helps you out in the real world. And, if you’re not a dick, how sympathetic it makes you towards good ol’ regular people falling. Personally, anytime I see a drunken girl stumble off a curb at 3 in the morning, I don’t laugh. Or I at least hold it in. For the most part I usually hope she’s ok, and then wish she gets back up and fucking laces that 2 inch gap into the street the next time around. Then, I usually hit on her.

But, that’s not the point. Taking bumps and bruises and the dreadful occasional shinners (I shutter just at the thought of them) have helped me in life and I’m sure it has helped you. I don’t think I’ve fallen down a flight of stairs or sprained my ankle doing regular shit in years and it’s because of blading. When I take a spill, I’m not mentally and physically freaking out like a regular chap. I’m not flailing my limbs all over the place as I hit the ground. I’m not laying on the floor unnecessarily long, being an attention whore. I’m not thinking of how embarrassing this is. I’m getting ready to catch myself and then waiting to absorb the impact in the safest and least painful way so I can get up faster and do it again.

Angelo Ferrer said something along the lines of, falling and him were like best friends, in his Elegance profile. Now I wouldn’t go that far, but if I had to make a comparison, I’d say falling is like that friend that you don’t want to run into while you’re out, but you always end up seeing just when you’re enjoying yourself the most. You always end up asking yourself, “Why am I even friends with this bag of douche?” Then you remind yourself that he has a hot sister you always wanted to bang, or has a hook up at Burger King or something. I don’t know, but you know knowing him has some sort of benefit for you. Anyway, you exchange the typical bullshit pleasantries just waiting for him to peace himself out and when he does, you’re back to having fun. That’s what falling is!

For a lack of better words, falling helps you become more less of a pussy. I see grown men practically in tears when they take a fall and get a scab or two. They’re freaking out seeing themselves bleed for the first time. Really? You’re going to call for an ambulance for your sprained ankle? Man the fuck up! Meanwhile, my friend Dave pops his shoulder out of his socket anytime he misses a rail, and pops it back in like a fucking boss without a single complaint, like the fucking bosses we all are for doing this crazy shit. And yes, what we do is fucking crazy.

Especially if you’re over the age of 21. You’re supposed to be out date raping girls with your frat and developing a prescription drug problem at that age. Not willingly throwing yourself at ledges and rails. I mean, what’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with us? You ask any regular “normal” person if they’d do what we do and they’d probably refer to you as that crazy bad ass they once met. Any regular person that denies that our shit is tight or hates on blading is a fucking herb. Yes, I used a 90’s slang term to describe the person in this hypothetical situation, because that’s how lame hating on something they’d never have the balls to try is.

If you get anything out of this drunkenly written article, I hope that it’s a new appreciation for the next small fall you take. While you’re dusting yourself off and getting ready to lace the trick you just missed, take a second to remind yourself that if any other ol Joe off the street took that fall, they’d be bitching and moaning like a baby. Then, go fucking lace that trick and post it on Facebook to shit on everyone. Tag I Roll NY in it too so we can give you props! Keep calm and lace shit.

Tags: rollerblading